How aggressive behaviour makes you lose influence

Misconduct in politics: Minister Dennis Wiersma resigns after sustained criticism of his temper tantrums. Read why this is a no-go for any collaboration and how to succeed in the long run.

The education minister resigns after another complaint. He had long been under fire for a pattern of verbal behaviour that crossed the line. Even before becoming minister, he was known as a demanding leader and administrator.

Not assertive, but aggressive

‘Flying into a rage’, ‘furious’, ‘authoritarian’, ‘hot-tempered’, ‘shouting’, ‘slamming doors’ and ‘freaking out’. This is how others describe his communication. Yes, he was a jerk at times, he says himself.

This type of communication clearly falls under what we call aggressive behaviour. It means pushing your interests or opinions without respecting the other person’s opinion, feelings, or boundaries. Characteristics are:

• It always crosses a boundary with another person.
• It often focuses on the person, rather than just their behaviour.

For successful collaboration, this is a no-go. Instead, you want to be assertive, clearly, and respectfully stating your boundaries (and those of the other person).

Setting boundaries: this is how you do it

As a renowned training organisation in the field of communication & behaviour, we understand the art of being assertive. In our scientific TIC-only Influence Model®, setting limits falls under the Influence Style Asserting. For example, you indicate what you expect the other person to do, or you set a limit. You also let the other person know when he or she does or does not meet your expectations. Our tips:

1. Give the other person the following signal: it’s about your behaviour, not about you as a person
2. Be brief and to the point
3. Showing emotion is usually not necessary, if you do you are probably less clear

Relationship dead, goal not met.

In the Influence Model®, both achieving your goal and maintaining your relationships are essential to remaining influential in the long term. Dennis Wiersma was appreciated for his decisiveness: intervening in weekend schools, abolishing excellent schools, more pay for primary school teachers. So, the goal seems to have been achieved. But unfortunately, his hot-tempered behaviour has made him lose sight of relationships with others. And now he has lost all his influence in The Hague.

In short, is imposing your opinion and dominating conversations your approach to communication? Then, like Dennis Wiersma, you are taking a risk. You may achieve a lot in the short term, but in the long term you will lose the support of colleagues, clients and so on. To be successful in the long run, you really need to nurture your relationships with others!