How can you learn to be more assertive at work? You want to stand up for yourself and clearly communicate what you do and don’t want. But in the workplace, making your voice heard isn’t always easy. How do you say no to your boss? And how can you be assertive without seeming rude?
With our tips, you’ll learn how to train yourself to communicate assertively in a way that is both tactful and impactful.
Being assertive means looking after yourself in your interactions with others. It’s about setting and protecting your boundaries by clearly, yet tactfully, expressing what you do and don’t want. Assertiveness is about looking after your own needs while maintaining respect for others.
Many people worry that being assertive will lead to conflict, so they choose to stay silent. But assertiveness isn’t about being rude or confrontational—it’s about being clear and direct in a respectful way.
By communicating assertively, you set clear expectations, making it easier for others to understand what you want or what you expect from them. At the same time, you respect the other person’s perspective, leading to better conversations and stronger working relationships. Assertiveness is an essential skill for effective collaboration!
Some people find it easier than others, but one thing is certain: assertive communication is a skill you can develop. If you want to improve, here are a few tips to help you practise.
Assertive communication starts with being clear about what you want—but also what you don’t want. Only then can you effectively communicate how you prefer to collaborate or interact with others. Express this clearly and concisely. Don’t be afraid to take up space and say what you need or expect.
Setting clear work agreements can also help improve communication. For example, you could agree on response times for emails or reports, giving you a shared understanding to fall back on if expectations aren’t met. Take the initiative in establishing these agreements where needed. If that feels daunting, you can start by expressing that you need more clarity around work expectations. Check how others feel about it and open up the conversation.
Have you ever received a comment from someone who seemed to be assertive, yet you had no idea what they actually meant or wanted from you? People often assume they are being clear, but their message may not come across as intended. That’s why it helps to first write down what you want to say. This ensures that when you speak up, you express yourself clearly.
Prepare your message by thinking about how you will phrase it and the tone you want to use. In the moment, we sometimes soften our wording or choose different expressions because we worry about offending the other person. By planning your key points in advance, you reduce the risk of being misunderstood.
In some situations, you may feel the urge to respond emotionally, especially when you’re frustrated or irritated. However, it’s important to stay calm and communicate your point in a composed manner. Strong emotions can cloud your message, making it more likely that the other person will react to your feelings rather than the content of what you’re saying.
If you find it difficult to stay calm in the moment but don’t want your message to be lost, let the other person know that you need some time to think and will come back to it later. That, too, is a form of assertive communication!
Assertiveness is often associated with being rude or unkind. But who wants to be seen that way? In reality, being assertive has nothing to do with being unpleasant. If you find it difficult to express what you do or don’t want, it may be helpful to take a moment for self-reflection.
How do you speak to yourself? Do you have thoughts like, “Who am I to have an opinion or say something?” or “It’s not that big of a deal, I’ll just let it go”? The way you talk to yourself influences how much of a barrier you feel when trying to be assertive. That’s why it’s valuable to explore the underlying beliefs—especially any limiting beliefs—that may be holding you back.
For example, do you struggle to say no because you’re afraid your colleagues won’t like you anymore, or that they’ll see you as weak? Taking time for self-reflection can help you become aware of these internal thoughts, making assertive communication feel less daunting.
As you reflect, it’s important to distinguish between the thoughts in your head and actual reality. Once you identify the belief behind your hesitation, challenge it—does saying no really make people like you less? Testing these assumptions weakens their hold on you and helps you develop a kinder, more constructive inner dialogue.
Do you really want to take a step towards becoming more assertive? Develop your skills in our training programme, Become More Assertive, or learn more by reading our e-book, The Art of Saying No. Check them out below!
