“Are you still a vegetarian?” “Why don’t we see you more often?” “So… when are you getting married?”
Yes, it’s that time of year again: the Christmas dinner. For some, it is a cherished tradition; for others, a recurring obligation that requires emotional stamina. So, how do you prevent family discussions from spiraling and ensure a smooth, enjoyable evening? Below, we share practical tips rooted in Influence Styles and conversation techniques from the Influence Model® – so you can keep the atmosphere warm and constructive (for as long as possible).
The Ideal versus the Real
We all picture the classic, cinematic Christmas: a beautifully set table, sparkling outfits, laughter, and a perfectly roasted turkey emerging triumphantly from the oven.
Reality often looks different: negotiations about who prepares which dish, intrusive personal questions (“Still single?”), and that one relative who always finds the negative angle.
No one looks forward to tension. Fortunately, with a few well-chosen influence and communication strategies, you can help maintain calm during the lead-up and the dinner itself.
Using Influence Styles to navigate Christmas Dinner
Preparations often start early – and can quickly become negotiation territory: Who cooks what? Are we serving fish, meat, or neither? Your sister now eats gluten-free, Aunt Joan refuses potatoes, and someone insists on “traditional” dishes only.
To steer these discussions effectively, choose the Influence® Style that best fits the situation. Use it intentionally to achieve alignment and create clarity.
Example: Influence Style Asserting
Want to encourage someone to prepare a vegetarian dinner? Use Asserting to communicate clear expectations:
“You are great at cooking vegetarian meals. I would like you to take the lead on a vegetarian Christmas dinner this year.”
Combine this with facilitating (“using incentives” in the Influence Model®):
“I’m happy to help you pick recipes and do the shopping.”
This creates direction and support: an effective combination.
Example: Influence Style Persuading
After dinner, preferences diverge: some want board games, you would prefer a relaxing walk. Use Persuading: clear, warm reasoning without overloading the argument.
“How about an evening walk in half an hour? The neighbourhood lights are beautiful this time of year, and it’s a great way to unwind after the meal. Shall we go?”
Create Connection through Meaningful Conversations
Meeting someone’s new partner for the first time? Sitting next to your cousin who’s once again attending without a date? Rather than letting it become awkward, take the initiative to connect using open, spacious questions – a core element of the Bridging Influence Style.
Examples: Influence Style Bridging
These questions invite dialogue without assumptions. Avoid suggestive or closed questions that corner the other person (“Do you also love sailing?” or “Still working for that awful employer?”).
If you receive uncomfortable questions, redirect by sharing something genuine about your year – and inviting others to do the same:
A compliment round also keeps the atmosphere warm: acknowledge what someone has done well or what you appreciate about them.
Handling the “Difficult” Family Member
Every family has one: the dominant brother-in-law, the know-it-all mother-in-law, or the uncle with uncomfortable questions. If you have previously avoided them or complained about them, try a different approach this year: break the pattern using Bridging and genuine curiosity.
Examples: Influence Style Bridging
If they ask something intrusive – say, “So, how’s your love life?” – redirect with an equally open, reflective question:
This balances the dynamic and removes pressure from you. If the conversation becomes tense, take a calm step back:
Tone matters here: stay warm, steady, and inviting.
How Influential are you?
Effective professionals score high across all Influence Styles – and as you can see, they are just as valuable in personal settings as in the workplace.
Curious which styles you naturally prefer, and which you could further develop?
Take the Influence Test and discover how to increase your impact – not only at work, but also around this year’s Christmas table.
